What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
