two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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