We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
