I cockslap morals
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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