I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
