Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and she was petting her beer can
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
