so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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