Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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