HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
