better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
