Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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