I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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