he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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