I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
