I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
