it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
