omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize