he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
