Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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