Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found your dick twin last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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