Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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