What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
