Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
