i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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