Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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