sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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