i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
