I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You made out with two different species that night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize