these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think my moral compass just broke
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
