I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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