i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
