Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
