I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
