Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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