I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
