I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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