Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
