He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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