Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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