when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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