I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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