Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
