He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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