No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
