maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My cat gives me a boner
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
