yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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