well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
