So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
nutella sex= disaster
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dicks are not precious.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
