Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize