I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
