i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
