Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
