My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
