Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
