someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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