I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
