you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
