I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
