So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
