Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
