We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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