So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
