I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
