He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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