I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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