Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
