i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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