naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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