Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
