Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
