Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
