Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
