i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
