Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
