Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
