so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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